Nope, I’d never hang out with Leslie Knope

Hi folks,

I can’t believe it’s already been three days since my last post. I could say that time flies when you’re having fun, but I haven’t really been having much fun. Or doing a whole lot of anything. I was on deadline, sure, but I also haven’t gotten out of bed before noon this week. #Selfemploymentproblems

I’m currently watching Parks and Recreation, a show that I adore, and it’s just now that I realized that I can’t stand the main character. I like Leslie Knope as a character on TV, but I’d rather spend time with Ann Coulter than her (if she were a real person). Amy Poehler does a fantastic job at playing an annoying character that you root for. But I also kind of root for her to die. Is that bad?

Here are some other TV characters I’d never want to be friends with in real life. I won’t include the batshit crazy people – like the characters on Revenge – because I’d actually kind of like someone crazier than I am in my life. These are simply characters that would annoy the shit out of me.

1. Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock. I can’t stand Tracy Morgan and his stupid sense of humour, so it reasons to think that I’d have trouble being friends with him. And since his TV counterpart is essentially a caricature of him, I’d likely hate being around the character too. Unlike Leslie Knope, I don’t even like Tracy Jordan as a character. There’s stupid and then there’s too stupid. If I wanted to watch a complete moron, I’d switch the channel to MTV and catch Jersey Shore. At least then I’d be able to make a game of it. Spot the genital wart!

2. Miranda Bailey on Grey’s Anatomy. You should be a lot nicer when you’re that ugly. That’s all I’m going to say. The toughness seems really forced when she breaks down and cries or shows emotion four times a season. If you’re going to be a hardass, own it. Like House or even (old school) Chuck Bass.

3. Schmidt on New Girl. I like gay guys, hence why I sleep with them. But this dude is just too gay. For a straight guy, I mean. I’d be pissed hanging with a guy like this in real life because I’d continuously be questioning his heterosexuality. And we probably wouldn’t get along so well with me hitting on him non-stop. That said, I love him as a TV character, even if there’s another roommate that I’d rather walk around shirtless all of the time.

4. Jess on New Girl. TV characters who make up songs and talk in a kermit-like voice? Cool. Friends who do these things? I’d shoot them in the face. Or cut out their vocal chords. Either or.

5. The entire cast of The Big Bang Theory. I only like nerds on TV. And the candy, too. I’d still have sex with one of the nerds, though. It’s Leonard, for the record.

6. Kalinda on The Good Wife. I don’t need emotional unavailability in my friends. That’s what my dating life is for.

7. Lemon Breeland on Hart of Dixie. I love Southern accents, but I hate this one. And what 20-something wears 1960s frilly pastel dresses around everywhere she goes? Isn’t it, like, 5 million degrees in Alabama, too? Bitch is crazy. And annoying.

8. THREE-WAY TIE: Mercedes, Santana, and Finn on Glee. I could handle the rest of them (in small doses). But not these three. Mercedes is too full of herself and stubborn. We’d absolutely bat heads. Santana is too mean and I’d be scared to hear about my manboobs on a daily basis. And Finn is just whiny. SO whiny!

Like all of my lists, this one was hard to create. I always have so many more people to hate on than time to hate on them. That’s the way of the world, I guess.

Let’s give them something to talk about,

BM