Shut your pie hole, Miranda

As a self-professed Sex and the City groupie (Is there anything more faggy than that? Only butt sex), I am inclined to love anything associated with the brand. Even that God-awful second movie. And even Kim Catrall, who seems like a major bitch in real life. I know this because I have very strong celebrity intuition. It’s a gift.

And, as a Miranda-type myself, I have always had a soft spot for her portrayer Cynthia Nixon. She makes you like the character, despite the fact that she’s kind of a bitch. And has really ugly hair. Plus, she’s ginger. So that rarely works out well.

I kind of stopped liking Cynthia Nixon today. You see, I found out that she’s a moron. Okay, not so much. But she made a comment that really irked me. I got her intentions at the start, but the longer she talked, the more annoyed I felt.

The first part of her quote:

“I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.”

She’s right in that I shouldn’t be attempting to define her gayness. And she also clarifies that it’s not a choice for many. But, seriously, it’s not a choice for any homosexual. Clearly, this woman is bisexual and feels that she can choose when to be gay and when not to be gay. That is not indicative of the experience for people without opposite-sex attraction. Trust me when I say that I would absolutely have chosen to be knee-deep in vagina right now if it meant an easier life. I couldn’t do it. To say that being gay is a choice for anyone is ignorant, even if you’re talking about yourself.

Bisexuals and homosexuals are not the same. I am not Anne Heche. I won’t wake up tomorrow and be heterosexual and then wake up the next day and be Celestia from an outer galaxy. I am living the only true way I can, as a homosexual. My only choice would be suppressing my feelings and desires in an attempt to appear straight. Like a Republican would. But I still wouldn’t actually be heterosexual.

“Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate,” Nixon says. “I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.”

Calling it a choice is less legitimate because it implies that we’re capable of changing to heterosexual. And that just fuels insane bigots like Michele Bachmann and her ex-gay (but probably still gay himself) therapist husband. It fuels the idea that we’re purposefully trying to rebel against the mainstream idea of relationships, marriage and family. And it fuels the idea that we’re not actually born this way and that we just made a bad choice. I was born this way, bitch. Just like Lady Gaga was born in a meat dress.

Of course, Cynthia Nixon is entitled to feel that her own gayness was chosen. But she shouldn’t make comments like this without clarifying that she is, in fact, attracted to men and women. Or that, since it isn’t a choice for so many, young kids shouldn’t foster hope that they can one day snap and walk over to the other side, like she did.

On a positive note, I just read that the Washington Legislature has enough votes to legalize gay marriage. That’s something that’s actually a choice, Cynthia Nixon. Miranda Hobbes would have totally her an idiot, btw.

I’m off to choose a new wife,

BM